How to Overcome Male Performance Anxiety
Most people associate performance anxiety with fear of being in the spotlight when you’re in front of an audience. That could include giving an actual performance, reciting a speech, or even giving a presentation at work. But, some men struggle with another aspect of performance anxiety—in the bedroom. It’s estimated that 9-25% of men deal with sexual performance anxiety (SPA), often contributing to issues like premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction. Furthermore, SPA can negatively impact relationships and create mental health issues like anxiety or depression. Sound familiar?
If you’re struggling with sexual performance anxiety, you’re clearly not alone. But that doesn’t mean you need to live with it forever. Let’s cover a few helpful suggestions on how you can overcome SPA and enjoy a healthy and fulfilling sex life.
What Causes Male Performance Anxiety?
Before you learn how to overcome SAP, it’s important to know what might be causing it. There’s no “one” trigger that causes all men with SAP to struggle. Rather, it’s usually a very personal thing that might contribute to your fear. Maybe you had negative sexual experiences in the past that caused you to become self-conscious. Maybe you’re not as experienced as you’d like to be, and it causes you to “get inside your head.” Whatever the case, there’s typically a common theme regarding the underlying cause of performance anxiety. You’re likely overthinking things.
When you look at your sexual encounters as performances, you’ll often find that your goal is to please your audience. In this case, that means pleasing your sexual partner. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Wanting your partner to be happy and satisfied is great and can improve the experience for both of you. But, if you’re spending the whole time monitoring your “performance” and critiquing yourself while worrying about what your “audience” might be thinking, you’re more likely to perform poorly. The worst part? This tends to cause a vicious cycle. If you perform poorly once or twice, it’s even easier to start doubting yourself, and you might be triggered by that fear the next time you find yourself in bed with your partner.
Practicing Mindfulness
One of the best ways to overcome male performance anxiety is to practice mindfulness regularly. Mindfulness involves staying in the present moment, no matter what you’re doing. It’s about letting go of the “what ifs” and the worries of the past and living for the here and now. It’s called a “practice” because it takes time and effort to do it, especially if you’re prone to feeling anxious during sex. Try practicing mindfulness in other areas of your life, and make it a part of your daily routine. Doing so will make it easier to focus on the present with your partner, so you’re less likely to get lost in self-conscious thoughts.
Talking to a Professional
Finding ways to relax and be more present in the moment can make a big difference when it comes to SAP. But don’t feel like you have to overcome the issue on your own. Some men might struggle with this type of anxiety because of unresolved intimacy issues from the past.
If you feel like there’s something deeper going on, getting to the bottom of it is the best way to overcome it. Consider reaching out to a therapist for help. Doing so will allow you to dig deeper into the underlying cause(s) of your performance anxiety. That’s not always easy to do on your own, but uncovering those past thoughts that could be impacting your future can help you start healing so you can enjoy a fulfilling sex life without fear. Reach out to me to learn more about anxiety therapy